BREAKING NEWS


Due to a major accident in a well known cryotech research facility we are currently unable to respond to all other NDE requests. Our NDE strike forces are currently deployed on site, where they fight bravely side on side to rescue the NDE victims. Thanks to an unexpected high number of voluntary new team members we are comfortable we’ll be able to keep up our usual success quote: “99% not dead”.
 
Please find more details on the incident in the press article below, as taken directly without further changes from the Buzzington Times.
 

HEAVY MAJOR INCIDENT REPORTED AT RESEARCH LABS OF “STAY YOUNG AND SMILE FOREVER (LIMITED)”
It was reported employees inside the facility labs are wandering around restlessly, attacking everyone who dares to approach them. Other lab employees seem to have fallen into a permanent coma, and seem to float in a state between life and death. Local reports state that an unlikely chain of circumstances allowed the different substances to spread through a pipe system into the facilities labs. This eventually highly toxic cocktail is now diffused into the air and seems to have infiltrated the entire facility. The different substances deployed inside the research labs remain still undisclosed. One of the employees, who prefers to keep his anonymity, states that he was working on hibernation possibilities of human beings as well as frozen food. The company reports officially that they had taken all precautions in case of such an incident and that a specialized strike force team would arrive on site very quickly. Who is this mysterious company, and their specialized strike force? It was reported they were rescuing people trapped in a “Near Death Experience”.

Our local reporter managed finally to have a short interview with one of the facility managers.
Reporter: “Those are quite some green clouds there”.
Manager: “There are no green clouds”.
Reporter: “Why has the police closed all access to the site”
Manager: “I don’t know, nothing has happened”.
Reporter: “Who are those people arriving in helicopters over the research labs?”.
Manager: “Thank god, the NDE strike force team arrives!”.
Reporter: “Thank you for your time”.
Manager: “I must go now.”

WE ARE OPEN FOR RECRUITMENT – PLEASE TAKE OUR TEST (SPECIAL REWARDS ARE PROMISED FOR ALL STRIKE TEAM MEMBERS AFTER THE SUCCESSFUL COMPLETION OF THE MISSION)